Stop Educating My Appliances!

Enough! Stop educating my appliances! Believe it or not, not everything needs to be connected to my phone, Facebook page, and credit score!

No, Refrigerator, I won’t follow you on Twitter!  I don’t need you reminding me that I’m low on hummus.  You know how I can figure it out?  By opening the door!

Freezer, you stop adding value the moment you do anything more than keep my Cookies & Cream  cold, got it?

Dryer, I don’t need you sorting and counting the change that falls out of my pockets, so cool it!

No TV, I don’t need you recording my emotions during programming just so you can suggest that I would, indeed, like to watch a Diner’s Drive-Ins, and Dives marathon, OK?  But, yeah, go ahead and set the DVR for me since you’re up.

I don’t know if any of those features exist just yet, but you know they’re coming down the pipeline, and they’ll be riding six white horses when they come!  But I’m still frustrated with the amount of effort and resources that get devoted to that kind of ‘progress’.  All in the name of selling consumers on something new, flashy, techy, or even life-changing!

Oh!  Did you see the Jones’ new iron?  It’s also an MP3 player!  I want need one!

No, stop right there.  The cycle of more has got be broken.  Right this moment, there are teams of professionals working up ways to update, change, and modify things that require none of their efforts.  Why? More, more, more!

The market is the ultimate judge and jury, so if a refrigerator with a TV on it sells well, then by golly, that company made a good move and created a brand new market. They created the saddest market ever.  But they created a market never the less. But no one asked for it.  No one needed it.

 Fridge - Copy

Let’s stop chasing this facade of ‘progress’.

Let’s start solving real issues like fresh water shortages, food supply and distribution inefficiencies, and a global education shortfall.  Is solving those problems over the next few months too much to ask?  I don’t think so.  I mean, anything important can be said in 140 characters or less these days, and you know how I feel about microwaves.

But really, knock it off.  You’re running out of real innovation to bring to the market, and it shows.  And consumers, if you’re paying premiums for this junk, what’s wrong with you?  Snap out of it!  This is such an incredible waste!  Does any of that stuff really improve your life in a measurable way?  I’d love to hear about it if so.

Whoops, hold on guys, I just got a text message from my car:

“Hey, feed me premium next time, I’m trying to bulk, My axles are bending from hauling your tubby %# around”.

Shut up Car!

To put it another way, let’s not confuse change with progress.  We’ve reach the apex in durable goods productivity, now let’s focus on their efficiency.  How much ‘cool’ they bring the table is completely irrelevant and it’s more than wasteful.

I’d like appliances to revolutionize how much power they consume, how much heat they give off, or get me to stop going back to the refrigerator every twenty minutes, as if something changed since the last time I checked.

Now that’s progress.

Or what about lifespans?  How about investing to produce a washing machine that doesn’t crap out after seven years?  Or what about a refrigerator that doesn’t scare me late at night when dropping a fresh batch of ice?

And quit adding touchscreens to everything, got it?  Sometimes I just want to work with a good ol’ fashioned lever or pulley to get something done.  I don’t need a greasy-finger-painted LED panel everywhere I go.

And just in case that wasn’t enough to get you off my lawn, no I won’t register my product with you.  I bought it and you know when I bought it because I used my credit card.  Oh, and don’t act like you don’t have access to that information, we’re on to you!.

Hugs and Kisses!

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16 thoughts on “Stop Educating My Appliances!

  1. Michael | The Student Loan Sherpa

    As I read this article I found myself nodding along with everything that you said. Then I remembered giving a similar rant about cell phones a number of years ago:

    Why they hell would I want to take pictures with my cell phone? That is what my camera is for!

    Who in their right mind would send a text message with a phone? You know what is easier than trying to type out a sentence or two to someone, waiting for there response and then typing yet another… CALLING THEM!

    In retrospect I may belong in a rocking chair on a porch tormenting the neighbor kids.
    Michael | The Student Loan Sherpa recently posted…Obama’s Swings and Misses Again on Student LoansMy Profile

    1. No WasteNo Waste Post author

      Kids made a quality cell phone camera relevant for me, but I definitely hear where you’re coming from.

  2. Eric

    Totally agree. I thought it was bad when I noticed every kitchen appliance had its own clock (with a slightly, sometimes daylight saving-related hugely, different time.

    I went shopping for light switches and, after being appalled to see that a light switch was $20, realized that the “top of the line” light switches could be controlled from some electronic device (presumably a smart phone).

    Etc., etc., Nest thermostat, and so on…

  3. Andrew@LivingRichCheaply

    “Let’s stop chasing this facade of ‘progress’” I loved that! People think that all this high tech stuff is progress but it really isn’t necessary and it expends so much more of our valuable resources. Not to mention it is more expensive. I’m pretty old school…I’ve never even used a dish washer…the one in our apartment, we use it for storage.
    Andrew@LivingRichCheaply recently posted…When Being Cheap and Lazy is BetterMy Profile

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